


Mirror of past and future

by Subaruchan192



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Lawyer Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr., M/M, Married Couple, Post-Episode: s19e13 The Undiscovered Country, Professor Rafael Barba, Romantic Fluff, Sweet Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:47:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22130533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Subaruchan192/pseuds/Subaruchan192
Summary: Rafael visits Sonny in the ADA's office for the first time and on the partition between future and past some questions and one cognition  arise.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 38





	Mirror of past and future

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mforpaul](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mforpaul/gifts).



> I've been working on this story for quite a while for mforpaul, who made me write for the Barisi fandom and who has a hard day tomorrow. I hope you are going to like it =)

Rafael’s hurried steps echoed from the high walls of the courthouse. It felt strange being back, when he had deliberately avoided to be here ever since he had quitted two years ago. Although he didn’t regret his decision, it still pained him a little to walk through these marble halls, which once had been his second home. He would have preferred to stay away, but to his misfortune his beloved, chaotic husband had decided to forget his lunch _again_. Rafael truly loved Sonny, but he would forget his head, if it wasn’t screwed.

Rafael knew the current case wasn’t easy and very consuming for all involved: for Carisi as the ADA and the squad of the SVU. Sometimes, Rafael felt a little left out. He wasn’t as much a part of the group as he used to be and often, he felt more like he was the houseman, while they defeated the dirty scumbags of this city. He didn’t mind the current, slower pace of his life, but it wasn’t an easy situation for him. Of course, he gave Sonny advices, when he asked for them, but Rafael tried to stay out of it as much as possible. He didn’t want him to emulate him. He should find his own way. Rafael had his way to handle a case, but that might not be the right one for Carisi. It likely wasn’t. Sonny was way kinder than he had been, when he had been transferred to Manhattan.

The elevator doors opened and gave free the view to his former floor. He saw Carmen still sitting at her desk and he smiled. It was a relief, that she was still working here and would support Sonny, because if Carmen was one thing, then it was loyal. Still, he stopped for a moment, took a deep breath and allowed himself to look around for a moment. A heavy feeling of melancholy came over him and for a moment, his deep, green-brown eyes became sad. Tenderly, he let his fingers run over the orange marble, which felt cold under his touch.

Then he took a deep breath, the fingers clenching stronger into the paperback, which contained Sonny’s and his lunch and then he resumed walking towards his former office. Carmen looked up from the keyboard of her computer and her eyes widened in surprise, when she saw her former boss walking up to her, but quickly, her face eased into a soft expression.

“Mister Barba.”, she said astonished and delighted, quickly getting up from her chair, although Rafael gestured her to sit down.

“Hello, Carmen.”, he greeted her friendly. “It’s been a while.”

“Indeed.” Her smile became even warmer. “How have you been?”

“Good. I’m teaching at the Columbia, now.”

“That’s great.” Carmen smirked and quirked and Rafael, what she was thinking silently. “And the poor students.”

“I’m not _that_ strict.”

“Uh hu. If you believe so.” Her brown eyes glistened amused and Rafael shook his head about her, but then he sighed and his smile disappeared.

“I’m sorry, I left without a word and proper thanking you for all those years of great work.”

“It’s okay.” Carmen smiled softly, trying to soothe him, but Rafael shook his head.

“No, it’s not. I initially wanted to bring you a small present the first time I’m going to visit Sonny at work, but thanks to his muddle-headedness it was earlier the case than I have expected.” Rafael grinned and shook his head. “So next time it will be then. Do you still like those chocolates from that candy shop on the 5’th?”

“Yes, very.” Carmen leaned back into her chair, her brown eyes alight and Rafael smiled contently.

“Is he in?”

“Yes, go in. Do you want some coffee?”

“As if you need to ask, Carmen.”, Rafael teased and grinned.

“Some things never change.” She smirked and nodded, before she got up and went to the coffee machine.

“The day that I stop drinking coffee, the world will end.” He smiled one last time at Carmen and walked through the door. A feeling of melancholy overcame him, when he entered his former office. Nothing had change. The same furniture, the same books, the same light and atmosphere. Only the man behind the desk had changed.

Sonny was so focused on the case files that he didn't even notice how someone had entered. The warm light of the midday sun stood in his back and surrounded him in a golden glow. Rafael smiled softly and the sadness subsided out of him. He knew that his former office was in good hands. Sonny was going to be fabulous he knew it. He had the brain and the heart for it.

“You know, if you don’t like my sandwiches, cariño, you could simply tell me.” Rafael grinned, when he pushed himself off the doorframe.

“Rafi?” Sonny blinked and looked up, confusion and surprise shining in his blue eyes.

“Hello, mi amor.”, Rafael said with his deep timbre as he closed the door.

“Did I forget a lunch appointment?”

“No.” Rafael shook his head and then lifted the paper bag up to his eye level. “But you forgot something else.”

“I forgot the sandwiches again.” Sonny sighed and pinched his eyebrows.

“That makes thrice in a row.” Rafael walked over to him, put the bag down and leaned against the desk next to him. When Sonny didn’t retort, his face expression became concerned. “Is everything alright?”

Tenderly, Rafael cupped the cheek of his husband and brushed his thumb over the dark circle underneath Sonny’s blue eyes. The thoughts of Sonny had been far away lately- even compared to his standards. Recently, he had not been paying attention, when Rafael had told him about his courses at the Columbia. Something, which usually wasn’t his kind.

“Yeah.”, Sonny exhaled as soon as Rafael touched him and his body relaxed when he leaned into his warm hand, trusting the weight of his thoughts to Rafael. “Case just keeping me on my toes. No need to worry.”

“I’m always going to worry, cariño.”, Rafael said softly and kissed him tenderly. “I know how consuming this job is and you have such a kind heart.”

“Do you mean I’m not strong enough?” Sonny blinked and a haze darkened his eyes. Rafael knew that, next to bringing justice to those who need it, Sonny wanted to make him proud.

“No.”, Dismissively, Rafael shook his head and smiled warmly. “Being kind needs a lot of strength. You’re one of the strongest persons I’ve ever met. I simply meant that your kindness gets you all worked up and I’m concerned you’re going to get lost.”

“Rafi…” Blue eyes shone in surprise and Sonny got up. Tenderly, Rafael wrapped his arm around him, settling the taller man against his shoulder to provide him comfort and a safe place to relax.

“Therefore, I’m going to pay attention you’re not going to forget the world around you.”

“Was I neglecting you?”, Sonny murmured against his shoulder and wrapped his arms around him.

“No, cariño.” Rafael shook his head and tenderly stroked through the back of his head, while starring through the well-known window. “You would never let that happen. I’m just going to make sure you eat and sleep enough. Like I always did.”

“That means a lot coming from you, Mister Workaholic.”, Sonny teased and it made Rafael’s heart light, a chuckle bursting from his chest.

“Not anymore.” Rafael smiled softly and rubbed over his back. “I gladly pass that role on to you.”

“It’s weird.” The lightness out of his voice disappeared all of the sudden and he dissolved out of Rafael’s tender embrace. With quick step, he walked up to the window and rested a hand on the glass.

“What is?”, Rafael asked confused as he leaned back against his former desk and crossed his legs, elegantly shoving his hands into his blue suit trouser pockets.

“I still haven’t got used to seeing this office as mine.”, Sonny explained with a voice, which was far away and with a hint of an emotion, which Rafael couldn’t grasp, but also didn’t like. It had a sad, almost embittered twist. Emotions, which didn’t quite fit Sonny. “Now, with you being back in here I feel thrown to the old days. It still feels like it should belong to you and I’m taking it away from you.”

“Sonny…” With a sad expression, Rafael looked at the strong back of the ADA. He pushed himself away from the desk. How could he had been so blind? How hadn’t he been able to see, what was going on inside of his beloved? Rafael scolded himself inwardly. “That’s not true.”

Tightly, he wrapped his arms around Sonny’s slim waist and rested his head against his shoulder blades.

“You took nothing away from me, mi amor. Do you understand that?” Slowly, he tugged on Sonny’s arm and turned him around to him so that his gaze could emphasize his statement. “It was _my_ decision. I left _voluntary_ and I don’t regret it.”

“Love…”, Sonny whispered speechless and in the light of the noon sun he appeared like a lost boy.

“My life is perfect. I have the best friends in the world, found a job I love as much as my old one and the most important thing: I have you, mi amor. You’re the best that has ever happened to me and I know how cliché it sounds, but it’s true. I couldn’t be any happier.”

Rafael could feel Sonny’s fast beating heart within the air and his eyes shivered. Tenderly, he took Rafael’s tall, warm hands into his and rubbed over the platin ring around Rafael’s finger, which was a symbol every promise and hope. A sign of an endless love.

“You deserve to be here, cariño. You worked so hard to achieve this and I’m very proud of you. Don’t let your kindness talk you into believing anything else. You’re going to be a great ADA. You already are.”

“You believe so?” Hope glistened like diamonds in Sonny’s eyes and Rafael smiled softly.

“I do.”, he confirmed and his voice didn’t flicker. It showed that he meant it with all his heart. “But it also concerns me greatly, to be honest.”

“Why?” Sonny tilted his head in confusion and Rafael sighed. 

“Sonny…”, he whispered softly and leaned against the window. His arms sneaked around his waist and pulled Sonny close so that Rafael needed to tilt his head to look into those beautiful, blue eyes. Sonny looked down at him, his gaze still confused and a little worried.

“Raf…what’s wrong?”, he asked and his voice trembled a little. Just as much as his hand, when he cupped Rafael’s cheek. Reassuringly, he kissed into his palm, while he tried to think of a way to put his concern in words. He had a feeling that Sonny wasn’t going to like it, what he was about to say.

“Prosecutors and cops assess a case from a different point of view. They have to.” The frown on Sonny’s face became deeper and Rafael didn’t like how overly didactic his voice sounded. Rafael Barba explained the world to Sonny Carisi. It made the age difference between them clear and it felt utterly patronizing. The 10 years had never been a problem between them, but now, they felt sour on his tongue. “But that causes a natural tension at times. The squad is with the victim from the beginning and go through all the stages with them. Of course, they want to bring justice to them. They’re not able to distance themselves from a case. You know that better than I do, but you will have to keep an objective view on it. You will have to thwart them more than once, cariño, and they aren’t going to like it. Especially Amanda.”

“Rafa…” Tenderly, Rafael placed his forefinger onto Sonny’s soft lips to interrupt him and then cupped his cheek. Sonny closed his mouth, when he saw the deep, sad and yet loving gleam in Rafael’s green eyes.

“She’s a strong woman, but you know how she is, when she’s in her tunnel vision and how sad and frustrated you were every time, she said you should stop talking like a lawyer. It will be hard for them and you to understand that you’re not a cop and therefore not their partner anymore. Your dynamic has changed.” Concerned blurred the emeralds and Rafael stepped closer to his husband, resting his head against his strong chest and listening to the soft beat of his heart. Rafael felt the questioning gaze of Sonny as a prickle on his scalp, but if he was honest, he had worried about it ever since he knew Sonny was going to be the ADA.

Sonny lifted his hand and stroked through Rafael’s soft hair. He likely had sensed his feelings and wanted to soothe him. It was a soft touch, which contained Sonny’s entire presence. Warm, kind and gentle.

“That you were a cop is your greatest advantage, mi amor, but it also contains the danger that this job will consume you more than anyone else.” Rafael rested his right hand on Sonny’s chest and looked back up to him. “I’m concerned you won’t be able to set bounds and therefore, get hurt.”

“Love…” Blue eyes widened in surprise, because Rafael wasn’t able to hide the raw emotions, which rested inside his heart, anymore. Tenderly, he covered his hand in his and ran his fingers through the black hair as his face expression softened. “I’m going to take care of me, I promise.”

Rapidly, Rafael blinked, trying to get rid of the tears, which had formed in his eyes without his notice. He nodded and lowered his head. Suddenly, he felt exposed and the old fear of showing his weakness triggered, although he had almost completely lost it with Sonny.

Sonny looked compassionately into his eyes, his eyes appearing warm and deep. Tenderly, he cupped his chin and stroked the tears away.

“I love you, Sonny.” And there was even so much more hidden inside these three simple and yet powerful words. Rafael lifted himself onto his toes and kissed him with his heart on his lips, expressing everything, which rested deep inside of him and even he was not able to express in words.

“I love you, too, Rafi.” Sonny’s voice was momentous, intending he was able to understand. Rafael shouldn’t be surprised anymore. Sonny had always been able to see through him and to understand him better than he often did. “For ever, beloved husband.”

“Cariño…” The pace of his heart picked up as he looked into these soulful eyes, which looked deep inside his soul and he blushed from intensity, but then he huffed and rested his hand on his cheek. Love spoke out of eyes as blue as the ocean and as green as the most ancient forest as they kissed to renewed the vow, they had given to each other. Most would be scared of the prospect of forever, but to them it felt like a dream. “Yes, forever. And now, let’s have lunch.”

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't watched a single episode after Barba left, but I figure that either Sonny or Rafael have their own concerns about Sonny's new position and I wanted to explore it.
> 
> I hope you like it mforpaul even though you are likely going to read it after your big day. Thank you for bringing me into this fandom =)
> 
> I wish you all a wonderful Sunday and maybe, I see you soon again =) 
> 
> Greetings, Subaruchan


End file.
